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I've been with him how long? Really?
Apr. 2nd, 2012 08:46 pmIt occured to me last night that I've been with Frazer for over 10 years now, married 6 of those.
That's 1/3 of my life.
It has certainly not been a smooth, easy time together. We've each had to make significant adjustments in our lives, some easier than others. We are, finally, for the first time in our relationship, operating on two full incomes... while that hasn't helped us yet, really, it will be of significant value over the next few years.
We've dealt with family difficulties, both of the stress and health kind, the aging kind, and the omg what an ass kind. We've dealt with job loss, with smoking cessation, with university schooling, with pregnancy, and with childrearing. There have been times where I've wanted to hit him. There have been times when I've been terrified to lose him. There have been times where I've felt safer than I ever have in my life. There are times when the only thing I've wanted were his arms around me. There are times when all I want to do is rip his clothes off and jump into bed. There have been times when there feels like a distance has grown between us. There are times when we live in each other's heads.
I cannot imagine life without him. Actually, I can... and it's an imagining that scares me. That loneliness that I had not realized was inside me, that disappeared when I joined my heart with his and that I can feel again when one of the times of distance comes around, is not something I wish to ever go back to.
I feel like my Anniversary posts should be more lovey-dovey. Maybe I'm too much of a realist for that... relationships are hard work, and I look back on the path we've taken with a sense of accomplishment, of acknowledgement, and of gratitude. For me, at least, those have more staying power.
That's 1/3 of my life.
It has certainly not been a smooth, easy time together. We've each had to make significant adjustments in our lives, some easier than others. We are, finally, for the first time in our relationship, operating on two full incomes... while that hasn't helped us yet, really, it will be of significant value over the next few years.
We've dealt with family difficulties, both of the stress and health kind, the aging kind, and the omg what an ass kind. We've dealt with job loss, with smoking cessation, with university schooling, with pregnancy, and with childrearing. There have been times where I've wanted to hit him. There have been times when I've been terrified to lose him. There have been times where I've felt safer than I ever have in my life. There are times when the only thing I've wanted were his arms around me. There are times when all I want to do is rip his clothes off and jump into bed. There have been times when there feels like a distance has grown between us. There are times when we live in each other's heads.
I cannot imagine life without him. Actually, I can... and it's an imagining that scares me. That loneliness that I had not realized was inside me, that disappeared when I joined my heart with his and that I can feel again when one of the times of distance comes around, is not something I wish to ever go back to.
I feel like my Anniversary posts should be more lovey-dovey. Maybe I'm too much of a realist for that... relationships are hard work, and I look back on the path we've taken with a sense of accomplishment, of acknowledgement, and of gratitude. For me, at least, those have more staying power.